![]() It's Cyclops from X-men, re-imagined as a dejected incel on Christmas day. Sorry Bryan, I'm inoculated against bullshit. Still, even if it wasn't for that little yikes, the fact Bryan describes his job as "investor" without any further details means he is almost certainly a scammer. I must say, he looks astonishing for a man of 60 years old - maybe it's all those vaccinations he refuses to take. And indeed, it turns out Bryan does have a private phone line to the commish himself, so he's well in with the fuzz. I don't know whether it's the Morpheus specs, but this guy has the energy of a role played by a young Laurence Fishburne, in a straight-to-VHS movie about sad policemen. But I'm sorry, if the subheading for your entire presence on earth is "banned for life from London Zoo", you're no friend of mine. No wonder she screenshotted an article on coping with feeling hopeless. Apart from anything else, who joins the Conservative Party at age 18? That's chilling, for a start. What a fucking bin fire of a human being. ![]() I imagine him as being always one sentence away from finding a way to make the conversation about elbows, and I think that would get uncomfortable quickly. It was all going so well until I noticed that Angus' face is perpetually stuck doing the People's Eyebrow, a la Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the late 90s. Anyone willing to be a climatologist in the nightmare future is probably a pretty solid geezer, and they've even submitted an article to a science journal! Admittedly they also sell elbow fetish videos, but I don't want to yuck their yum. Here we go:Īngus almost seemed alright, to be fair - a strong start. I will now go through them one by one, judging their worthiness, and moving on when I inevitably decide they'd be unbearable. The sampling has been pretty much random - I fast-travelled to each borough in the game, using my magical future phone to download the personal profiles of the first people I saw, and screenshotted the lot. And to top it all off, in addition to their so-near-yet-so-far position re: humanity, they all seem like extremely annoying people, thanks to the selection of Extremely Online hobbies and interests the game populates their biographies with.Īnyway, I thought I'd conduct a sort of half-arsed Voight-Kampff test, to see if I could find an NPC in Watch Dogs Legion who seemed like they might make for at least passable company, were I a dystopian resistance fighter. well, about the same, but if the GM in question was in the final stages of a gruelling, three-day ale monstering. At best, potential recruits feel like NPCs created on the spur of the moment, by a tabletop GM accommodating a player's insistence on talking to absolutely everyone in a throwaway tavern scene. Nightmare future London, therefore, is a great big stroll through the uncanny valley.
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